Thoughts on a Sunday

I hate to admit it, but my thoughts this morning sounded something like this...
Oh crap it's 4th of July weekend, everyone is out of town, it's fast Sunday, no one is going to be at church, no one is going to bear their testimony, it's going to be an awkward sacrament meeting with long tense silences, and I'm already hungry...

But I'll have you know, that I have an amazing ward. There was not one awkward drawn out pause. And what I love about this semester, is that I feel like I actually know my ward. That the people that get up and bear their testimonies are my friends that I've hung out with. And they are such great examples to me and I'm grateful to know them. It's going to be sad moving out of this ward, but I think that in my next ward, I'll be even more outgoing, because I know what comes from a close ward family.

I was reading out of my notebook that I take with me to church, or when I'm reading scriptures and I read one of the poems that my great grandpa wrote. I already posted it earlier but I want to post it again.

God bless you and I breathe a charm
Lest grief's dark night oppress you.
Then how can sorrow bring thee harm
If it's God's way to bless you?

And so not all they days are fair
And shadows touch thee never;
But here's my wish,
God bless you through the years
That thou be safe my dear forever.

The line that caught my attention the most today was, "Then how can sorrow bring thee harm if it's God's way to bless you?" And I just thought about that a lot. If God is trying to bless our life and teach us, then why must we sorrow? And if we are sorrowing, and are troubled with life, how can it bring us harm, inflict damage, if we are trusting in God's hand?

In relief society today we talked about the spirit, and how it manifests itself and how we can recognize it in our lives. We were talking about decisions and how you cannot just say, "I'll do whatever you want me to do Lord," as you wait and not move. You have to make the decisions, plan out your life, and then if God's will is different, trust in his arm and follow. He won't show us what to do, until we start moving first. In 3 Nephi 17:9 it says, "He did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto Him." They were healed as they were brought forth. It was only after they made the decision to walk to Him, that he could heal them. We then brought up prayer, and how if we are continually praying and not forgetful when life is easy, that we will be able to recognize the spirit more. And I thought about that with my school work, if I don't study for a test but then pray for help, I feel like I really don't have the right to ask for his help. If I don't do all that I can do, and if I only rely on blessings that maybe I don't deserve, then how can I ever grow? I put my all into studying for test. It's almost ridiculous the measure I go through in order to know my material. But once I do that, then I am comforted asking the Lord for his help. I must do all that I can, but then I still must turn to the Lord. If you are sick, use the resources that have been provided, but still ask the Father for his help in helping the medication work. We cannot just say, "No, I won't take medication, I'll only ask for blessings." The Lord has already provided a way to heal us here on earth! We have to take advantage of our surroundings. If we prepare to the best of our abilities here on earth, then the Lord will carry us the rest of the way. If we are consistently trying to have the Spirit in our life, then he will be there to help us.  He will manifest himself to us in the ways that are understandable to us. He will bless our lives.

Parley P. Pratt said, "The gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-tones sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, invigorates, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being."

I know that the Spirit works itself in my life and guides me. I had no idea where I wanted to go to college my senior year of high school. I just hadn't researched that much. I came up to BYU-Idaho because my cousins dragged me up here. They talked me into going to this school and I am forever grateful to them for getting me up here. I have been blessed with a wonderful ward, good surroundings, opportunities everywhere to improve myself, an education that I care about and much more. This school has improved me and I've even felt weird at home not wearing long pants. Sometimes I whine and complain about how the sun just soaks up my dark jeans and burns me as I trudge my way up to the Ricks building...which is at the top of the hill...but after being in Idaho Falls last night for the fireworks show where so many young young girls were tromping around in these tiny shorts...I'm just glad I don't have to see that here at school.

I love being here. I love learning. I love growth and understanding. I miss home though...especially when they go for bike rides, have crepes with the Tour de France on in the background. I just can't create the same scene up here like it is at home. But I appreciate these experiences that I am able to have, to learn and to grow. They bless my life immensely as I learn to be more righteous.

I know it's the 4th of July and I haven't said one thing about this country, but I know that without this country, the gospel would not have been able to start. This is a blessed nation and I am thankful to be here. How lucky am I to not only be in this free nation, but born a member of the church into the wonderful family that I have.

Happy 4th of July everyone.

Today is a Good Day

Today is such a great day!
Ward temple trip at 5:40 in the morning
Beautiful weather
Intense muscle exam over with! (I'm feeling good about it, you wouldn't believe how stressed out I was for it and how much studying I put in for that test... talk about knowing the muscles on models and cadavers, their origins, insertions, and actions... that's a lot of information to get into your brain trust me...)
Cousin got his mission call to Bolivia
Math got out early which resulted in relaxing outside waiting for my next class
FIFA World Cup
Good good friend of mine was in town so we got to catch up :)
Tour de France starts tomorrow along with 2 world cup games
Hide and seek at the caves tonight hopefully
Just honestly a wonderful day.

Some Things

There are only 4 weeks left in this semester... scary. I think the class that scares me the most is english. ha compared to anat and phys you must think how? But at least for now, the final paper that we're suppose to work on all semester... yes I have barely done anything for it. Oh I have my topic no worries, but even my topic is a little daunting. My teacher wanted us to write about something in our field that we're going into. Some argumentative issue that we can write about. Let me just tell you that in the field of radiology there aren't too many huge debates going on that are really worth a papers worth of research. But I did find one where they've been debating the use of the functional MRI verses the Wada Test for pre-surgical tests in the brain. So interesting to me, but the dang medical language in the articles are daunting! I have to dissect each term to figure out what they're actually saying, and somehow I have to transfer that into a paper and make it understandable to people who have no knowledge of the field AND make it interesting?! My friend keeps teasing about how much of a 'page turner' my papers gonna be... Yeah I'm worried.

In Anatomy and Physiology we've been learning the muscles. And I've been introduced into a new way of studying.

Penning out the muscle names on my legs! It honestly works wonders. People gave me weird looks, but now when I hear the muscle name I can look at my leg and see where it would be if it was still written. Don't worry I'm not cheating and I got all the pen off before church.

So a problem we've been coming across in our apartment is that we often forget we have food in the fridge. It leads to horrible discoveries like this...

Yeah I'm disgusted too don't worry. We had to throw away a few other dishes along with the cake. Any salad that I buy seems to get gross at a much faster rate than it ever did at home. I've given up buying salad for the time being until I know I'm going to eat the whole bag before it goes bad.

Aubrey is still being Aubrey. I love rooming with my cousin. We are both just layed back about things so it's really easy to live with her. Next semester we're moving up to Royal Crest with 4 new roommates! It's nice to live with people you know and I'll be sad not to live with my girls right now, but I like being in new situations, new people, new ward... bring it.

We always seem to encounter one problem or another when baking cookies. Either too big so they squish up against each other making square cookies, or not enough chocolate chips...resulting in cookies with one sad lonely chocolate chip.

Ashley came into town last weekend and stayed with us before AFY so we took her to the sand dunes! And I think colorful sunglasses are the best. They're legit.

I think my favorite song overall this semester is Something Good Can Work: by Two Door Cinema Club.

Poems by a POW

Meet Forrest Packard, my great-grandpa. He was a prisoner of war in Wake Island for 4 years while his wife, Esther Packard was at home raising 11 kids. I've started reading the book They Never Wavered which is about Forrest's life while a POW and about Esther and how she handled things during this time. But for today, I just want to share a couple of poems that Forrest wrote while a prisoner.

God bless you and I breathe a charm
Lest grief's dark night oppress you.
Then how can sorrow bring thee harm
If it's God's way to bless you?

And so not all thy days are fair
And shadows touch thee never;
But here's my wish,
God bless you through the years
That thou be safe my dear forever.


There is no date or title for that poem but the next one was written on April 27,1945 titled That Wonderful Mother. At the bottom of the page he wrote that it was written "Four years from the last day I spent with my mother- and my wife- the wonderful mother of our twelve royal sons and our four royal daughters."

If your mother and mine are alive today,
Is there anything more we can do
Than to live the model they had in their mind
When they cradled as babes, me and you?
Could you see mother where she is today
With her thoughts of you so serene
So you think it worth while,
With heart and smile
To push on, to the ideal of her dream.
But if Mother is gone from world of strife
From this world of clouds and rain,
'Twas for love of you and me, in life
That she bore all her sorrows and pain.
I'm sure she's gone to a better land
Where her heartaches and hard labor is o'er.
And the one thing for me if I'd be a man
Is live here that her joy and mine
Will there be sure.
So I think of that dear fond mother,
That Queen that is your wife and mine,
As for me, I know there's no other
So noble, so true and so kind.

Things to Love

I love good smelling shampoo and conditioner. It's almost like I crave it.

I love nail polish and painting my nails. My toes are currently teal with white flowers, and my fingernails are red.

I love skinny tire bikes and in two weeks I get to go home and fix mine up with my dad.

I love playing racquetball. Especially when it's my dad teaching me brilliant technique.

I love my yard and I will sorely miss it this summer. This is the first summer I won't be there.

I love that my roommate has crazy sleeping habits.

I love my college bread spread.

I love goldfish.

I love paninis and have quenched my craving this weekend by having them 3 of the 4 days I was home. My parents got a panini maker and it's absolutely wonderful.

You know that bread that you dip in olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette, yeah I love that too and had that over the weekend.

I love things that are less known.  Whether it's books, music, or movies, the less known the better.

The Secret Life of Bees

Quotes from the book I just finished: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.

"The first week at August's was a consolation, a pure relief. The world will give you that once in a while, a brief time-out; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life."

"Quietness has a strange, spongy hum that can nearly break your eardrums."

"Did you know there are thirty-two names for love in one of the Eskimo languages?" August said. "And we just have this one. We are so limited, you have to use the same word for loving Rosaleen as you do for loving a coke with peanuts. Isn't that a shame we don't have more ways to say it?"

"Every human being on the face of the earth has a steel plate in his head, but if you lie down now and then and get still as you can, it will slide open like elevator doors, letting in all the secret thoughts that have been standing around so patiently, pushing the button for a ride to the top. The real troubles in life happen when those hidden doors stay closed for too long. But that's just my opinion."

"June always said that most people bit off more than they could chew, but August chewed more than she bit off. June loved to tease August about the way she pondered things, how one minute she was talking to you and the next she had slipped into a private world where she turned her thoughts over and over, digesting stuff most people would choke on."

"I believe in the goodness of imagination."

Dinner

We made dinner last night with the roommies, well 4 of us. Chelsea and Kylie were gone. But we made Aubreys Dads breakfast pizzas. They are delicious and extremely easy to make.

Aubs, the little chef :)

Me and Abby

Aub and Caira

Aub with the apron her mommy bought her.

A Run

I went on a run to the temple tonight.
It's absolutely uphill the entire way there.
It was a hard run for me.
Firstly, I haven't been running for a good long amount of time, let alone running up hills.
Secondly, Rexburg is known for it's wind, and I was running against it.
There were times when a motorcycle would drive past me, and I would want to stick out my thumb and hitch a ride up to the temple.
There were moments when someone on a bike would ride past me, and I'd want to take their bike just to get up there faster.
But what is the point of going on a run for physical exercise if you ride on a motorcycle?

I'm going to the temple tomorrow.
There absolutely is a lot of homework that I need to get done tomorrow.
It's going to be a long day for me.
Sometimes it's hard to get to the temple. Sometimes it's hard to have an amazing hard rock testimony. Sometimes the journey is just hard.
There are times when you might see a motorcycle drive past, and you want to hitch a ride. Sometimes you just want to ride on your parents testimony to finish the journey.
Sometimes you want to borrow someones bike, you only make the decision to go because a friend is going.
But what is the point of having difficulties in life in order to strengthen you, if you want to ride off of everyone else? There is not strengthening of yourself if you won't carry the load.

Sometimes it's hard to start a habit. It's hard to read your scriptures everyday, pray morning and night. It's hard to find room in a busy college schedule to attend the temple.
It's hard to run. It's hard to run hills. The first run will knock you out. But in order to get better, don't you have to keep running? You have to continually run those hills in order to strengthen your muscles. Just as you must continually live each aspect of the gospel in order to strengthen your testimony. It won't come in one easy day, one nice jog around the track. You'll have your challenges in life that will test you. You'll run against the wind sometimes. But if you don't, how are you ever to improve?

It's those hard uphill moments that will make you or break you. You are ultimately the only one who can decide which direction you'll go. You can take the challenges and improve, learn, gain strength. It's only through your own legs that you can reach your destination. It's only through your own testimony that you can do what you are meant to do.

Those hills, that wind, it's going to make me.

Today

Today is wonderful.

You know that saying where you have to experience the bitter before you can taste the sweet? Well that's what I've had. Last weekend was an absolutely crappy weekend. It was ridiculous. The load of homework, drama, people trying to get me to not do my homework, tension, "that time of the month" for four of us in my apartment... it was like walking on eggshells all weekend.

But the weather, is beautiful right now. It is 70 degrees. Gorgeous, wonderful, luxurious sun.

The day started with the guys in our ward making the girls breakfast. A full on breakfast too mind you. Eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, hash browns.... ah it was yummy. And then I had a great game of racquetball with a friend who is much better then me. He taught me a lot though, I think I'll improve immensely learning from him. He's got wicked serves. You're either running to the ball, or ducking away from it.

After some clean up, the girls and I went to the temple. This was the first time for me going to the Rexburg Temple. I love this temple. I love temples. I love being there. I don't know how I lasted all fall semester without going once. What a shame. Normally on Saturdays, you plan for a long temple day. Like 4 hours long temple day. So we finished up as much homework as possible so we would be able to relax and have the right frame of mind while in the Lords house. But crazily, we were done in a little over one hour! I don't know how it happened but we got out in perfect time to make it to Quinton's soccer game. Well, we got there at half time but still, perfect.

Beautiful weather for a soccer game, I'm sure I got burned. Intense soccer game, those are the best. And a winning game for Quintons team.

We have stake conference tonight. It's been a good day. I like these Saturdays.

Mom

Mother's Day away from home is obscure to me. I don't like it.

I remember the days of dad making breakfast for mom, while the kids wrote letters, and then we would carry up the mass of food placed on a cookie sheet to her in bed. We would then all sit on the bed and hand her our letter and she would read them to herself, have some laughs, cry and little and procede to give us each a hug and then share her testimony on how we as a family make her life as a mom, a lot easier. How supportive we are with her and dad. But mom, you are the one that makes our life a lot easier. Mine especially. You are the one that supports me. You are the one with the advice. You are the one I want to call when my entire apartment has had a ridiculously crappy saturday. You are the one that I want to tell everything happening in my life to. You are the one I want to talk to when I meet a boy that I'm interested in. Yours is the advice I put the most weight to.

I love you mom. I love what I have learned from you. I love your cooking. I love that you are in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I love that you had me take piano lessons. I love my blanket that I have up here that your grandma made for you in college. I love being able to say that I have "Packard" in me. I love how you support me. I love how you direct me. I love how it was you that got me interested in radiology.

Thank you mom for helping me become what I am today. Thank you for helping me build off of your testimony, to where I now have such a strong one of my own. Thank you for having a wonderful relationship with dad. Thank you for showing me what mother's should be, what should be most important. Thank you for being there in the points in my life where I truly needed you. Thank you for helping me see that high school isn't worth the amount of drama that people put into it. Thank you for being a mother.

I love you mom.