Balance

I feel like this year is an off-blogging sort of year for me. I think I've done about max two posts per month if that. Maybe I feel like there's nothing quite blog worthy to post on here lately. I'm a grown up girl now working about full time. I'm dating someone. I'm taking voice lessons. I'm developing another random hobby of embroidery. (Okay I guess I should blog some pictures of that goodness because it is fantastic.)
But I feel like life has gotten into a rhythm. A rhythm where I am keeping afloat and just riding the wave. A quite rhythm, more to myself and who is around me day-to-day instead of something shouted online. Maybe it's because I want to really experience something, relish deep in it without having to be the person behind the camera making sure every one else can see what fun we're having.
A friend of mine recently returned from her mission and she had a companion that talked about not being able to take all of our photos with us after we die. So she just focused on enjoying the moment while she was there. I think that's a great thing a lot of us need to learn in this new technological world. Sometimes it's hard to be "there", in the moment, because we have something else calling our attention. A text message, email, facebook notification, instagram, snapchat... we get so caught up in everyone else's life. And then it's a war and challenge to make ourselves look so fun, perfect, outgoing and living life online that I sometimes wonder if that's really living. But then again, I love the connection to people. I love reading their blogs, hearing their thoughts, seeing their pictures.
It's the world we live in.
I guess balance is the real answer.

But isn't it to almost everything anyways?

Faith Hope Assurance

I was reminded the other day of the correlation between hope, faith, and assurance. It's a thought that has stuck with me throughout my religious classes and I find myself consistently coming back to it.

Define:
Hope: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence. To believe, desire, or trust.

     Ether 12:4 "Whoso believeth in God might with a surety hope for a better world, yea even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith."
     Ether 12:32 "Wherefore man must hope or he cannot receive an inheritance in the place which thou hast prepared."

Define:
Faith: To hope for things which are not seen, but which are true. To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone.

To me, hope is a level of faith. You cannot have one without the other. Moroni 7:40-42 says, "How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope? And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise. Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope."
Hope is a level of faith which then leads to action.
You should have hope (desire and look forward with reasonable confidence) in the atonement of Christ, in the power of the resurrection. By first desiring and looking forward with confidence you gain the level of faith that will lead to action.
Helaman had faith in the Lord during the war period, which led to hope of deliverance through Christ. Once he had this faith he took courage and it led to action.
Faith = Hope = Assurance.

Romans 15:13 "Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Ghost."
Faith and hope will enable us to act and to be filled with the Holy Ghost giving us assurances. Acting is a present thing which leads to assurance in what the future holds. As we look to the past we see evidence of the Lords blessings which will give us faith and hope in what we are doing in the present, leading us to act.
Action = present.
Assurance = future.
Evidence = past.

Faith
Hope
Assurance

(I think one of my favorites things of the gospel are the correlations between everything. It reminds me of this post.)

Grandpa's Bonsais

In this next bonsai Grandpa tried to imitate nature by having a branch that was dead from maybe getting struck by lightning. He talked about how we all have our own scars that stay with us throughout our life, but they are also what make us unique and ourselves. 

Redirecting branches.

You can see all the precise pruning that has been done on this tree in order to keep the shape.

This is the tree that came to my grandpa half dead.

New Year

So I feel like I remember writing down new years resolutions but they are no where to be found. Nothing on my blog or journal for both 2009 and 2010. I have apparently been slacking on the point of making resolutions, which is to know what they are and see how you've done throughout the year. So a resolution for this new year, is to keep track of the actual resolutions I make, take notice of them throughout the year, and see how I've done when the year is up.

It's strange that 2010 is gone and done with. So many things happened and I changed so much. It's even interesting to note that the beginning and the end of the year I dated the same person. Both times I learned something new. It's funny how people affect your life. There's so much you can learn from people if you let yourself. Why does it take big, hard events in order for us to learn something and grow? I want to work on always learning from people, always growing and improving myself from the daily little things. I want to be someone that people can look at, and then want to improve some aspect of themselves. I hope I can always take notice of the little things and appreciate them. I hope to always be able to take a step back and see the grand design, the overall picture. I hope I can always be a loving person. I hope I can always be grateful.

2011

Thoughts on a Sunday

I hate to admit it, but my thoughts this morning sounded something like this...
Oh crap it's 4th of July weekend, everyone is out of town, it's fast Sunday, no one is going to be at church, no one is going to bear their testimony, it's going to be an awkward sacrament meeting with long tense silences, and I'm already hungry...

But I'll have you know, that I have an amazing ward. There was not one awkward drawn out pause. And what I love about this semester, is that I feel like I actually know my ward. That the people that get up and bear their testimonies are my friends that I've hung out with. And they are such great examples to me and I'm grateful to know them. It's going to be sad moving out of this ward, but I think that in my next ward, I'll be even more outgoing, because I know what comes from a close ward family.

I was reading out of my notebook that I take with me to church, or when I'm reading scriptures and I read one of the poems that my great grandpa wrote. I already posted it earlier but I want to post it again.

God bless you and I breathe a charm
Lest grief's dark night oppress you.
Then how can sorrow bring thee harm
If it's God's way to bless you?

And so not all they days are fair
And shadows touch thee never;
But here's my wish,
God bless you through the years
That thou be safe my dear forever.

The line that caught my attention the most today was, "Then how can sorrow bring thee harm if it's God's way to bless you?" And I just thought about that a lot. If God is trying to bless our life and teach us, then why must we sorrow? And if we are sorrowing, and are troubled with life, how can it bring us harm, inflict damage, if we are trusting in God's hand?

In relief society today we talked about the spirit, and how it manifests itself and how we can recognize it in our lives. We were talking about decisions and how you cannot just say, "I'll do whatever you want me to do Lord," as you wait and not move. You have to make the decisions, plan out your life, and then if God's will is different, trust in his arm and follow. He won't show us what to do, until we start moving first. In 3 Nephi 17:9 it says, "He did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto Him." They were healed as they were brought forth. It was only after they made the decision to walk to Him, that he could heal them. We then brought up prayer, and how if we are continually praying and not forgetful when life is easy, that we will be able to recognize the spirit more. And I thought about that with my school work, if I don't study for a test but then pray for help, I feel like I really don't have the right to ask for his help. If I don't do all that I can do, and if I only rely on blessings that maybe I don't deserve, then how can I ever grow? I put my all into studying for test. It's almost ridiculous the measure I go through in order to know my material. But once I do that, then I am comforted asking the Lord for his help. I must do all that I can, but then I still must turn to the Lord. If you are sick, use the resources that have been provided, but still ask the Father for his help in helping the medication work. We cannot just say, "No, I won't take medication, I'll only ask for blessings." The Lord has already provided a way to heal us here on earth! We have to take advantage of our surroundings. If we prepare to the best of our abilities here on earth, then the Lord will carry us the rest of the way. If we are consistently trying to have the Spirit in our life, then he will be there to help us.  He will manifest himself to us in the ways that are understandable to us. He will bless our lives.

Parley P. Pratt said, "The gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-tones sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, invigorates, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being."

I know that the Spirit works itself in my life and guides me. I had no idea where I wanted to go to college my senior year of high school. I just hadn't researched that much. I came up to BYU-Idaho because my cousins dragged me up here. They talked me into going to this school and I am forever grateful to them for getting me up here. I have been blessed with a wonderful ward, good surroundings, opportunities everywhere to improve myself, an education that I care about and much more. This school has improved me and I've even felt weird at home not wearing long pants. Sometimes I whine and complain about how the sun just soaks up my dark jeans and burns me as I trudge my way up to the Ricks building...which is at the top of the hill...but after being in Idaho Falls last night for the fireworks show where so many young young girls were tromping around in these tiny shorts...I'm just glad I don't have to see that here at school.

I love being here. I love learning. I love growth and understanding. I miss home though...especially when they go for bike rides, have crepes with the Tour de France on in the background. I just can't create the same scene up here like it is at home. But I appreciate these experiences that I am able to have, to learn and to grow. They bless my life immensely as I learn to be more righteous.

I know it's the 4th of July and I haven't said one thing about this country, but I know that without this country, the gospel would not have been able to start. This is a blessed nation and I am thankful to be here. How lucky am I to not only be in this free nation, but born a member of the church into the wonderful family that I have.

Happy 4th of July everyone.

Poems by a POW

Meet Forrest Packard, my great-grandpa. He was a prisoner of war in Wake Island for 4 years while his wife, Esther Packard was at home raising 11 kids. I've started reading the book They Never Wavered which is about Forrest's life while a POW and about Esther and how she handled things during this time. But for today, I just want to share a couple of poems that Forrest wrote while a prisoner.

God bless you and I breathe a charm
Lest grief's dark night oppress you.
Then how can sorrow bring thee harm
If it's God's way to bless you?

And so not all thy days are fair
And shadows touch thee never;
But here's my wish,
God bless you through the years
That thou be safe my dear forever.


There is no date or title for that poem but the next one was written on April 27,1945 titled That Wonderful Mother. At the bottom of the page he wrote that it was written "Four years from the last day I spent with my mother- and my wife- the wonderful mother of our twelve royal sons and our four royal daughters."

If your mother and mine are alive today,
Is there anything more we can do
Than to live the model they had in their mind
When they cradled as babes, me and you?
Could you see mother where she is today
With her thoughts of you so serene
So you think it worth while,
With heart and smile
To push on, to the ideal of her dream.
But if Mother is gone from world of strife
From this world of clouds and rain,
'Twas for love of you and me, in life
That she bore all her sorrows and pain.
I'm sure she's gone to a better land
Where her heartaches and hard labor is o'er.
And the one thing for me if I'd be a man
Is live here that her joy and mine
Will there be sure.
So I think of that dear fond mother,
That Queen that is your wife and mine,
As for me, I know there's no other
So noble, so true and so kind.

Mom

Mother's Day away from home is obscure to me. I don't like it.

I remember the days of dad making breakfast for mom, while the kids wrote letters, and then we would carry up the mass of food placed on a cookie sheet to her in bed. We would then all sit on the bed and hand her our letter and she would read them to herself, have some laughs, cry and little and procede to give us each a hug and then share her testimony on how we as a family make her life as a mom, a lot easier. How supportive we are with her and dad. But mom, you are the one that makes our life a lot easier. Mine especially. You are the one that supports me. You are the one with the advice. You are the one I want to call when my entire apartment has had a ridiculously crappy saturday. You are the one that I want to tell everything happening in my life to. You are the one I want to talk to when I meet a boy that I'm interested in. Yours is the advice I put the most weight to.

I love you mom. I love what I have learned from you. I love your cooking. I love that you are in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I love that you had me take piano lessons. I love my blanket that I have up here that your grandma made for you in college. I love being able to say that I have "Packard" in me. I love how you support me. I love how you direct me. I love how it was you that got me interested in radiology.

Thank you mom for helping me become what I am today. Thank you for helping me build off of your testimony, to where I now have such a strong one of my own. Thank you for having a wonderful relationship with dad. Thank you for showing me what mother's should be, what should be most important. Thank you for being there in the points in my life where I truly needed you. Thank you for helping me see that high school isn't worth the amount of drama that people put into it. Thank you for being a mother.

I love you mom.

De-junking

I've been De-junking my room lately, getting ready to move off to college... and I found this paper I got in seminary back in 9th grade about Joseph Smith. It talks about how some people just can't swallow the story of Joseph Smith translating the Golden Plates. Well, here are some facts or conditions that must be complied with in order for someone else to produce a similar record under comparable conditions...

1. You must be between 23 and 24 years of age.

2. You cannot be a college graduate. In fact, you can only have three years of formal schooling.

3. Whatever you write must be on the basis of what you know.

4. You must write a book with 239 chapter; 54 of them about wars, 21 about history, 55 about prophecy, 71 about missionaries, and 21 about the mission of Christ.

5. You must include in your writings the history of two distinct and separate nations, along with histories of different contemporary nations or groups of people.

6. Your writings must describe the religious, economic, social and political cultures and institutions of these two nations.

7. You must weave into your history the religion of Jesus Christ and the pattern of Christian living.

8. When you start to produce this record, covering a period over 1,000 years, you must finish it in approximately 80 days.

9. When you have finished, you must not make any changes in the text. The first edition must stand forever.

10. After pauses for sleep and food, if you are dictating to a stenographer, you must never ask to have the last paragraph or last sentence read back to you.

11. Your history or record must be long, approximately 522 pages with over 150 words per page.

12. You must announce that your "smooth narrative" is not fiction, but true; yes, sacred history.

13. In fact, it must fulfill the Bible prophecies; even int he exact manner in which it shall come forth, to whom give, and its purpose and accomplishments.

14. You must publish it to every nation, kindred, tongue and people, declaring it to be the word of God.

15. You must include with the record itself this marvelous promise; "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask of God the Eternal Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, if these things are not true; and if he shall ask with a sincere hear, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost."

16. Tens and hundred of thousands must bear record to the world for the next 175 years that they know the record to be true, because they put the promise to the test and found it to be true, the truth manifested to them by the power of the Holy Ghost.

17. Thousands of great men, intellectual giants and scholars must subscribe discipleship to the record and its movement even to the point of laying down their lives.

18. Your descriptions of the cultures in these civilizations of which you will write about is not known when you publish your manuscript.

19. There can be no flaw whatsoever in the entire body.

20. Yet, you must not make any absurd, impossible, or contradictory statements.

21. Even so, many of the facts, ideas, and statements given us as true in your record must be entirely inconsistent, even the direct opposite of the prevailing beliefs of the world. Very little is even claimed to be known about these civilizations and their 1,000 years of history.

22. You must invite the ablest scholars and experts to examine the text with care. You must strive diligently to see that our book gets into the hands of all those most eager to prove it's forgery and who are most competent to expose any flaw in it.

23. Thorough investigation, scientific evidence and archaeological discoveries for the next 175 years must verify your claims and prove even the minutest details of your history to be perfectly true.

24. After 175 years of extensive analysis, no claim or fact in the book is dis proven, but all is vindicated. Other theories and ideas as to its origin, rise, and fall, leaving your claims as the only possible ones.

25. Internal and external prophecies must be confirmed and fulfilled in the next 175 years.

26. Three honest, creditable witnesses must testify to the whole world that an angel from heaven appeared to them and showed them the ancient records from which you claim your record is translated.

27. You must call out of heaven the voice of the Redeemer to declare to the three witnesses that your record is true and that it is their responsibility to bear testimony, and that they do.

28. Eight other witnesses must testify to the world that they saw the ancient records in broad daylight and they handled them and felt the engraving thereon.

29. The first three and the second eight witnesses must bear their testimony, not for profit or gain, but under great personal sacrifice, persecution, and even to their death.

30. You must find someone to finance your book with the understanding that he nor you will ever receive any monetary remuneration from it. You must sell the book at cost or less.

31. Finally, after suffering persecution and revilement for 20 years after you finish the book, you must willingly give your own life for your testimony that the record is from God.

spring break!

I love breaks from school. Heaven on earth. I slept in till 10..woke up to french toast for breakfast..Yum oh deliciousness.. 20 min. showers are divine and i had to cool the water down cause my body was so relaxed i couldn't move. Taking as long as i want to get ready makes a long time of music listening/book reading inbetween the hair straightening.

I'm now onto a new book, having just finished Moment of Truth. My next book is one i mooched off of bookmooch.com. It's called The Secret Life of Bees. And i love it so far. The language in the book is so rich and velvety, it flows just like..honey. The pictures in my mind when i read it are so vivid and picturesque i want to be there. It's that fantasy summer where everything has a yellow glow to it, the air with specs of sparkling sunlit dust that move lazily. You feel wrapped in warmth and nature.

plane rides

Today in Sacrament meeting, there was one story that stuck out so much to me. I absolutely loved it, and since I can't find it anywhere on the internet, i'm just going to rephrase it as best i remember...

There was a man on a plane and while sitting there he soon heard the captain overhead, speaking with a calm voice he said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, because of the turbulence of the storm coming up, we will be unable to serve our beverages. Please if you could remain seated with your seatbelts fastened. Thank you for your cooporation." Passengers immediately strapped in and stayed there. The flight was intense, full of violent rises with the wind, to sudden drops as if the plane was falling to crash. it was bumpy and nerve racking, but as the man looked aorund, he saw a little girl-sitting by herself with her feet tucked in under her legs reading. She would put the book down, close her eyes and stretch out, and then continue reading. she was completely fine and calm.
The man was intrigued by this little girl and at the end of the flight he waited as all the other passengers hurried off. He went up to her and asked her name. "Ashley" she replied. he then asked, "How come you were so calm and not frightened while the plane was in the storm? Weren't you scared?" She then answered, "I'm not scared, my dad's the pilot, he's taking me home."

How amazng is this little girls' faith. If we all had that much trust with our Heavenly Father as with this girl and her dad, what need would we ever have to fear? god is our pilot and even though the journey can get ruff, he'll get us there saftly. He knows it will get bumpy and we can get scared, but if we trust in our Father in Heaven, we will always be lead. He will never lead us off course or abandon us. We need to have faith in him and be bale to take lives problems with an understanding that He'll guide us and help us to the end. To be calm like the little girl on the plane, who trusted her dad so completely, the turbulence of the plane had no effect on her.

Sunday Hymns

All the songs we sang today in sacrament were some of my favourites. Some sundays you get hymns that you've never heard of and the melody just isn't there--but today wasn't one of them.
The first hymn was #89 The Lord is My Light. "The Lord is my light; then why should i fear? The Lord is my light, my all and in all. There is in his sight no darkness at all." I love the lyrics in this hymn. They are profound and simple. Why should i fear if i have the Lord in my life? How can i in darkness remain if Jesus is forever reigning in glory? The Lord is my light, my joy, my song. By day and by night he leads me along.

The secod hymn was #172 In Humility, Our Savior. "Let me not forget, O Savior, Thou didst bleed and die for me. Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving; Teach us tolerance and love." Mindy Gledhill sings a beautiful version of this hymn. The alto line is amazing, how it moves and gives feeling. My BMT sister and I switch parts every verse. I start as soprano, she as alto. I love hearing the harmony and singing it.

The third hymn was #85 How Firm a Foundation and it would've been more spiritual had i not been hiccoping loudly while trying to sing. The words were distorted as i sang/hiccoped my way through the song. We were all laughing. "What more can he say than to you he hath said, who unto the Savior for refuge have fled? Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am they God and will still give thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand."